My KKK Story (Kaguluhan, Kamustahan at Ka-malayan)

KKK as popularly known in the Philippines history is a revolutionary society which aimed to gain independence from colonials through a revolution during the 19^th century.  Similarly, my KKK story is more of a personal fight story.  Prior to COVID outbreak and ECQ implementation, I had my own share of personal battle “kaguluhan” and I was having quarantine moments already given a health challenge that forced me to pause, reflect and go for rest to recover.  A part of me thinks that am an invincible warrior who’s always on the go, able and willing to help, serve and be a source of strength for others until I was hit by a form of defeat in order for me to retreat.  My natural human reactions took over, non-supportive thoughts came in and disempowering emotions built up.  It was an on and off journey as I struggled to turn the denial to decision, fear to faith, anxiety to answer, hard to humility, pain to purpose, confusion to calm, panic to peace, grief to gratitude and trial to trust.  Amidst the roller coaster of thoughts, questions & emotions, I had to remind myself that God will not give me what I can’t bear. Hard as it is and armed with His promise, I gathered my senses and composure together.  I deliberately shifted my attention to faith and gratitude.  I took note of the small victories and blessings that came with it.  The unexpected circumstance that led to early discovery, the schedules that I need to re-arrange, the right people I encountered in my most vulnerable time, the unison in intervention, the timing of the decision, the travels that I need to forgo (not knowing that there will be a pandemic), the long-overdue move to a new place became inevitable for recovery purposes (not knowing that a mandatory indefinite “stay at home” directive will be implemented).  These and many more tell me that my loving God is with me all the time and has paved the way ahead of me. 

And so my recovery journey began, I reminded myself that this second lease in life must not be put to naught.  My attention shifted in nurturing my mind, body and spirit.  I developed new routines and hobbies.  I indulged in me and quiet times.  I pondered on prayers and reflections.  I chose the food I eat and the activities I do.  I allowed myself to be surrounded and supported by loving family and friends.  I slowly started going back to work remotely and be immersed with my Haraya family.  I remembered the team even set a holiday gathering in my place so I can be physically part of a mini-retreat and planning session.  It was the right time because it came with a practice of trust and vulnerability with the people I felt safe to be with as I slowly reintegrate myself back to the world that I got used to be in.  The reintegration though was short-lived because that world did not stand for long when the quarantine took over.  This time, it’s not just about me anymore.  In an instance, my “kaguluhan” became irrelevant relative to what’s happening around that world. 

The quarantine may have enforced physical distancing yet more than ever it called for a different level of connection.  That’s what I appreciate with our Haraya team, despite the challenging times that we are all in, we remain true to who we are and what we value as a team and company.  Our best practice of having “check-in” whenever we start our meeting was carried on during this period in the form of weekly light “Kamustahan” where we get to connect, check one another and simply ask “How’s everyone doing?” Apart from asking what are we feeling at the moment, we also check if there’s any support needed by anyone in the team.  Then from there, we started asking ourselves how can we help our community during this trying time?  As coaches we know we can give the gift of presence and connection, to listen and just being there for someone.  And that gave birth to Unang Tugon for the frontliners and Tapatan Circle for our coaches, both garnered favorable responses.  The quarantine gave us time to reflect and did reinforce the kind of work and service value we bring to our partners and clients.  That’s where “Ka-malayan” came about – it’s about partnering in creating awareness.

Unknowingly I went through the cycle of KKK myself, when my “kaguluhan” led me to check-in (kamustahan) with my own thoughts and feelings, making sense of what’s happening within me and having that awareness (ka-malayan) of what is it that am going through.  I am a work-in-progress, there are good days and at times I still catch myself haunted by my “kaguluhan”.  Looking back, I found myself asking ‘Where did my half of 2020 go?’ and “What’s out there for the balance of 2020 and beyond?  Indeed, it will be a memorable year not only to me but for many.  With the many twists and turn of events came along the teachings and treasures. Thrive, Pivot and New Normal are just some of the buzz words lately.  I agree that life will never be the same again, there’s no normal to go back to instead am looking forward to what this new life has to offer with a deeper appreciation of what really matters, gratitude for the many blessings that I easily take for granted, steadfast will to stick to the learning and trusting spirit to let go and let God.